Z writes stuff

~ Z ~

Black Jacket
Sep 3, 2015
The Cosmos~!
So this thread is made because I want to keep tabs on myself and my progress. I feel like I never get some things done because I don't have a proper way to push myself. Outside of Shine, not many people talk to me or give me that push. Not only that, but whenever I feel a certain way or see something interesting, I'll post it here. You guys are free to post your thoughts and opinions here, I can use the therapy. Who knows, maybe some of you will see a part of my life you never thought I was.

This thread will have a lot of random things, particularly from me and how I'm feeling or what goals I'm setting. Nothing super fancy, but nothing boring.​
So today was a nice day, nothing too out of the ordinary. I am planning to write more in Zenta's story so I can help the members of the forum understand Zenta. I should probably make some pages tomorrow if I'm not called every 10 minutes. I'm getting writing tips from people and I think I'm one step closer to writing better. Personally, I don't like that I over explain certain things but maybe I can iron out that bad habit of mine soon. I don't know when, but soon.

I've been eating only once a day now, disgusted at how my body looks. I'm trying to exercise little by little but I hate it so much. It's not so much the pain, but rather, how boring it is! I recently bought an exercise bike and it's so uncomfortable to pedal. Maybe it's because I'm so short. If DDR machines were more widely distributed across the states, I would lose so much weight. It's totally fun to play and it gives you a hell of a workout. A while back, the Cobbs movie theater had a DDR machine that I would go to every weekend, now I don't know what they did to it and I'm sad it's gone.

Lately my episodes have been more under control but I can't shake off the self-loathe so easily. I've said it many times before, but I hate myself and everything about me. I know I shouldn't think this way, and trust me, I'm trying to get out of that mindset. Shine had helped me a ton through this journey, but there's only so much he can do. When I leave Florida, I plan to seek professional help. I'm nervous that I may have some serious problems, like C-PTSD or some sort of childhood trauma. It's probably not that big of a deal, but man, I'm scared sometimes. I don't want Shine to see me have an episode, it's pretty wild and I'm not sure how he would handle it. I think I'm crazy.
So today was funny and cringy.

As some of you may know, I read a lot of books. I wouldn't call myself a bookworm (since I don't exactly finish many of these books) but I tend to have a ton of experience under my belt. One thing I usually do is check some book reviews and plot synopsis to see what I'm getting myself in for. It's normal to do, especially if you have specific tastes or want to venture into something new. In most of these reviews, I tend to take most of them for a grain of salt and use them as a 'general' view of how people see the book. One thing I like to do is read are the 1-star reviews.

Today, as I browsed for books to add to my collection, I found a particular book called Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. Long story short, a woman falls in love with a widowed man. The housekeeper of the man remains extremely loyal to the late wife and thus, makes gives the new young lady a super hard time. Sound pretty good to me and I'm itching to read it. I've read a ton of reviews (good and bad) but some stand out more than others. The ones that give the story a 1-star review say the dumbest and funniest shit I've ever read, like, who are you angry at? Calm down! I understand people have different tastes, and not everyone will come to the same conclusion about the same book, but I think that belittling and shaming people for liking the books goes a bit too far.

There's this one user that calls people sheep for liking the book. Another user says that the main character is a Mary Sue. The best reviews are the ones that make it that this book was a chore to finish and are RELIEVED to finish it. One user flat out said they got a migraine every time they read it and had to go to the hospital for TREATMENT. Like, bro, you don't like the book, we get it. To think you would make up a story about you nearly dying just to keep people away from the book makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. It sorta reminds me of those horrible Amazon reviews that purposely bash on a product by making up super crazy/cringy stories. Maybe it's just me, but I think it's hilarious when people make a whole story just so they can avoid saying: 'I didn't like it.'
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